Amsterdam
Where the people are high and the ladies are low...
Upon our group’s departure of this spellbinding place, we were offered to compete in the world record to see how many human bodies could be squeezed in, on top of and surrounding this rather large novelty clog out the front of the factory. Record to date was 38, our attempt was 18. Obviously the tour group before hand was pre-schoolers or from Asian descent because there was no way we were going to get anywhere near that number!
As we pulled up to our charming night stop named ‘Hotel Slotania’, we knew we were far from Kansas on this one. It was almost getting to be exciting to see just how shitty our accommodation could get and there were high prizes claimed for having the most terrible, impractical room in the places we were checking into. The group would run from door to door seeing who really got the jackpot of the dodgy toilet, the broken bed frame or the random sink in the middle of the room. I think everyone had scored well on this stop because they were carrying out renovations as the guests were staying there. The builders didn’t choose to do one section at a time or have any real structure to the demolitions, so there was dust, rubble and old, pervy Netherland tradesmen swarming around everywhere.
After settling into our dog-box of a room, we all freshen up and prepare ourselves to witness a well-known live Amsterdam sex show at the ‘Pink Elephant’. As we take our seats in the quite plush looking theatre, everyone is handed an alcoholic beverage and we can hear the loud club music pumping up to excite the crowd. The curtains roll up and we are greeted with a friendly pair going for it guns blazing right there in front of us on stage !! After I’d had gotten over the initial giggles, I was quite taken by the moves these experienced couples were displaying and it almost looked like they were incorporating a break dance, into a porno move and then crossed with something from Zumba.
We sat through 3 more ‘acts’ until we had half time where a female dancer came out scantily clad with a batman cape and baring all from the belly down. She was flouncing around flapping her cape (and her titties) all over the stage an then she prepared members of the audience that if they heard their name, they were to come up to the stage. I immediately had ill thoughts for the poor soul that had to be up in that pit of a stage and as those humours were running through my head my good friend was called up onstage. I imploded with a strong burst of laughter and egged him on to take his place up on the royal stage of sex! Then there were more names being called which shocked me, thinking that not all are safe, and then yours truly was called to join the rude rotating dance floor up ahead!!
Candy died with shock for .3 of a second and then rapidly joined to meet everyone up there and hoped that she worn her best just in case! The ‘bat woman’ whipped off her cape and asked everyone to separately take turns ‘sexy dancing’ with her and left me till last. I showed her that I wasn’t a wet mop by bending my knees whilst moving from side to side going down to her knees and back up towards her head and taking her hand do give the ole girl a twirl.
Batwoman looked back at me in shock and then progressed to the next section of her audience embarrassment segment.
She told us to stand back up against the wall and asked “do you guys like banana’s” which I excitedly yelled “yes, yes, I do!!”. As I glanced over to my friend (who had previously seen this show) he was shaking his head aggressively at me and I instantly regretting liking bananas.
Batwoman told us to take a bite of her banana which seemed harmless enough, until she progressed to stick it in her private lower region! Candy started to blush and was eager to get the first bite out of way following by running off stage, but no batwoman had other plans. You had to be chosen to take a bit of her fruit offering and there were four people in line ahead of me. As the stage victims were taking bites of the banana it was getting lower and lower and the participant before me made sure there was a mere stub left for my serving.
I lent down to have my share taking a modest ‘peck’ at the fruit, and then she refused to accept it, and grabbed Candy’s head shoving it back to towards her Netherlands to take the last bite. I stood up and laughed my head off meanwhile wanting to skull about 4 beers once I had got back to my seat. With a swift slap on Candy’s butt as she going back to her seat, I think Batwoman was quite happy with the old pot-of-poo that she was stirring.
The crowd involvement progressed (thankfully not with me) and one of the girls was bought up on stage to receive a sweet little lap dance from a male stripper named the ‘Black Pearl’ and then we set through 2 more sex acts which included a 9th grader smoking cigars out of her little bumblebee.
As the group met outside the sex bar, we could not stop laughing and congratulated the man who had put our names forward to the entertainers before the show started.
He assured us there was a winner for the dance competition and I was in fact Candy Baskitt, chosen by batwoman herself. My well earned prize was a souvenir keyring from the ‘Pink Elephant’ but the icing on the cake was when she had endeavoured to give her number to give to me..?!
Now, after all that excitement, who’s up for a walk to the ‘coffee shop’?
Xxxxxxx Candy ‘Banana’ Baskitt
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