Wheely Bin Burlesque

Candy was on route to a birthday celebration on a balmy friday night and disaster had struck before she had even got out the driveway. I had given my chaffuer the night off, so my transport of choice was the footloose and fancy free four wheel drive. As the car was reversing back out the garage, the wheel guard caught the end of the whipper snipper that was hanging up on the wall and before I could realise what was happening, the whipper snipper came crashing down on top of the car narrowly missing yours truly and taking out the side mirror. A few choice words flew out of my mouth and around the car (which always seems to help the situation) and then i had to move my booty to go and pick up Celeste. 


As Celeste walked out of her front door, she looked like a little stunner (as is the uniform for the OHA) and we made a beeline to the drive through bottle'o where we discovered Satan worked.


If there was a job position available for a royal asshole..this guy would be the perfect candidate. He asked for my I.D. and i showed him (through the clear case in my wallet)  to which he abruptly said "you'll have to get that out thank you", so i struggled and struggled trying to get the sucker out and it wasn't going anywhere. All my cards and cash had made permanent indentations in the wallet which meant the I.D. was set like concrete in its position. I asked if it was possible to just let it pass, but the cactus he still had lodged up his ass prevented him from saying yes, instead he said "no ID, no alcohol". So with the consideration of having no alcohol, Celeste took the wallet from me and began her handiwork..which resulted in a ripped wallet from being in such a rage! Oh yes, the I.D. was well and truly out in the open, and now it was ripped to pieces. I wasn't angry with Celeste, just disgusted that Satan had been so adamant on getting my identification out and he was now demanding me to look at him, so he could match the picture to my face! I gave a glare that would've singed his eyelashes off and as he gave us our change, he smartly remarked "looks like you needed a new wallet anyway!". 


Being a hot afternoon and being on the receiving end of this man's pms, Celeste and Candy were rope-able, yet it was Celeste who decided to smugly drop the four letter C-Bomb, muttering it under her breath! I was speechless (rare occasion) and if it wasn't for the fact that i was controlling a moving vehicle, i would've pulled over and given her high five! This was a milestone in Celeste history of vocabulary only because she refuses to utter that word unless its a completely necessary moment (as was this). It lifted my spirits, made me laugh and then we were nearly at our destination when i  found an awesome park and manoeuvred the 4wd into it.


Knock Knock.......Knock Knock....ughhhhhh ...what now. I turn around and there is a topless abdomen with a forsaken southern cross tattoo all over it eye level to mine. This hillbilly hick says to me .."Excuse me miss, you'll have to move your car because i need to reverse my truck when I'm done and your car will be in the firing line......" so politely not speaking a word (in fear that there might be a deploy of more C or F-Bombs), I move the car further down, secure the handbrake and get out to possibly see if there is a target painted right across the bonnet ...or my forehead.


The party is pumping with fine tunes and good food and then the digital camera decides to show itself. Many hot shots are taken but with a beautiful sunset in action, we decide to go out the front of the house and take some self timer shots because of such good lighting. It was amazing, you'd swear it was like something out of Vogue...that is until a passenger vehicle comes heading in our direction down the road. Seeing we had already set the timer and it was on a 10 second countdown, the people in the car had front row tickets and had to patiently wait for our shoot to finish before we would let them pass. 


With those duties over, it was time to clear the tables and deck chairs and designate a dance-floor and choose a ripper dance song. Celeste and I had recently seen the movie Burlesque and decided that this was the missing piece from our lives....for us to be world famous Burlesque dancers and showcase talent and skill to other desireables in the world. We plan to head towards the Big Apple in the near future and show our routine in front of talent scouts, but for now, our friends would have to be our critics. Behind us was a rather large retaining wall that was a perfect 2 metre high platform for our leg flicking and finger snap routine which began now!


The crowd was amazed and shocked at the talent that was in front of them at no cost and the Wheelie BIn couldn't believe its luck when i scored a position as  a prop in our stage show. It featured as a alternative to the chair that X-tina taps on in the film clip (see video below) and it worked perfectly., The acoustics were amazing and it demanded attention which nothing could distract you from wanting to look away! ha

Our deed was done, the dance was delivered and it was time for us little performers to retire to our boudoirs because you have to leave the crowd wanting more ;)




xxxxxxx Candy