Weekend Getaway...and the hotness shall follow

My greetings to you fellow hotties and welcome again to my blog which documents all things horrendous and hot!

Well, well ,well..... i took a short retirement from being the life of the party in my hometown and decided a weekend away would do me well. Every Saturday I'm pushing my body to the limits trying to hold back the hotness it wants to break out with and it wears me thin i tell you! 

I was visioning a long relaxing sleep, followed by eating healthy meals, taking a long walk along the beach, not having a drop of alcohol and watching some sort of educational show on television to stimulate my brain. So.....this is how that 'vision' ended up.

Okay so i start my journey towards the beach shack with a countdown of 70 K's to go and my stomach is on empty. I make it known to my girlfriend that it a necessity that we make a stop at a well known trashy family restaurant for a little nibble and she has no trouble agreeing with me. I lower my window down to see that it must be 'served by a celebrity day' at this restaurant because i could swear i was approached to have my order taken by jabba the hut (see picture)

He clearly wasn't very happy with life and/or current job and read our order back to us like he was reading a death sentence. My girlfriend enquired about a little snack tortilla wrap asking 'is it small enough for a snack?' which he grunted 'YES' and we were given the final total for our order. Now as if this guy wasn't hating our happy personalities enough, i progressed to pull out some cash to give him and accidentally handed over a $10 note that was ripped in half (last drunken weekend) and put back in wallet as a joke! Oops, not funny, so i took the ripped tenner off him (could be repaired) and handed over my other cash and as we were driving off, my girlfriend pulled this mammoth meal out of her takeaway bag. She remarked 'i thought that guy said this was a snack size?' and i replied with 'well sweetie, did you see the size of him?, he probably thought Xmas dinner was a snack!' and with that we were back on the road *sigh...

Did i mention the plans had changed now??? well, they had, and it was decided that we would be going to meet up with my partners in crime for dinner at the local golf club then that would later develop into a shack party later that night ... how quickly it all comes together ;)

So we've freshened up, had a starter drink and now all 17 of us seated at the dinner table are waiting for our food. You may have noticed the numbers had increased amazingly from 2 to 17, but good news travels fast and we hotties work in big numbers, okay!

We had some light entertainment while we were waiting for our meals. At the bar, a lady in her early 60's had been having a lovely time schmoozing with her gentlemanly friend over a glass of wine until all gravity broke loose and her legs became unbalanced. I turned around to see her going ass over which looked so perfectly maneuvered, i recall having seen it in cirque de soliel and she landed flat as a pancake on the floor. This then became awkward when i wanted to wee myself laughing but had to wait for the appropriate time when i could wait for one of my friends to say something mildly funny and just let the tears run while i laughed. Poor little luv, she was out to it before she even had the chance to get home and take her pants off ;)

Our meals arrived and the table was suddenly silenced when a hairstyle (so dated in history) walked past, i couldve sworn i saw dust coming off it. It was the most vile looking thing id ever seen on someone's head and i couldn't help but stare as if it was a travelling museum exhibition. The male was sporting a permed mullet that looked like it had just been rinsed through with 'Just for Men' tinting gloss and his jumper looked like a left over from the Twin Peaks costume wardrobe. It didn't stop there. 7 O'clock must have been 'Carney' hour because the circus had certainly been told to get their meals here. There was women with beards, old men with visible female looking boobs and the lineup to order food resembled a fashion runway from a mental asylum. I still shudder now, lets move on from this.

Hours had passed and now i was at my friends shack just chilling and trying to live up to my 'no drop of alcohol' weekend.
Oh god , who am i kidding, ok.. so little Miss Candy finished a 700ml bottle of vodka to herself, but its cool, she was keeping tamed from being the life of the party and stood near the fog machine to try and soften the hotness that was brewing. The place looked amazing. My darling friend had gone to so much trouble that i felt like i had been transported to one of Elton John's yearly White Balls.......not the hairy sort, the dinner and dancing sort. He had hired fog machines, strobe lighting, fairy lights and decorated the house inside and out for a good 6 hrs the day before. I couldn't let a beautiful drinking atmosphere go to waste so it was back to the freezer for some chilled vodka and i felt it necessary to round up some fellow OHA members for some honorary sculling practise.
Now when you have many lovely gay friends who love to make fun of any dirty contexts that come out of your mouth, choosing to talk while playing drinking games is not wise. While trying to distinguish rules of a drinking game with a ridiculously long straw, never again will i say "awwww I'm not gonna win this, ill never be strong enough to get it to stick up" and "its so hard to get it to start flowing" which of course i was referring to the length of breath i would have to take to get the liquid to travel up the straw into my mouth.
As drinks were flowing, shots being thrown back and songs getting requested the fog machine was the star of the party, but certain people were having brain lapses, forgetting that the 'fog' button had probably only been pressed about 2 tenths of a second before they just chose to press it again. The room was getting to look like a romantic misty sea fog until the joke had passed and now you were lucky to see your hand in front of your face. Right on cue, the smoke alarm went off and i could hear screaming, laughing, lady gaga-just dance, and someone with a clue shouting "PUT ON THE AIR CON, PUT ON THE AIR CON". I stupidly thought, yeah i am getting a little hot from all this dancing, not even considering that whoever the smart button was suggesting to put the air conditioner on was trying to help draft the air out of the room, through the windows. I enjoyed trying to locate friends whilst crawling on the floor and it all dawned on me why my knees would be looking black and blue and why 3 days later....and thanks to that awesome smoke machine, i still have no voice!
We all re-united the next day for breakfast and recounted our stories from the night before, some known- some not, and we sat in Struggletown until our gigantor cups of coffee came under our nose!

Guess the plan didnt go how it was visioned!

XX xx Candy